Is it ok to invite fewer people to the wedding than to the engagement party?

In order to include all our friends and family in our wedding, we need to have one event where we live and one event in my fiance's home country. As you can probably imagine, this could easily become *very* expensive. We want our wedding here to be nice, so we really need to keep it on the small side - 50 - 75 guests. Unfortunately, this means that we can't invite everyone we would like to.





Our idea is to have a casual engagement party at our house and invite all our friends, and then only invite family and close friends to the actual wedding and dinner reception. (Catering is more expensive that i thought!)





Does this sound like a reasonable way to include everyone, or is it just rude to invite someone to the engagement party but not to the wedding?





any thoughts?
Is it ok to invite fewer people to the wedding than to the engagement party?
I personally think it would be rude to invite them to an engagement party and not to the actual wedding...someone is bound to get upset by it. You could have a smaller ceremony and then just invite guests to a larger reception. Try checking with caterers for their cost on a Friday evening or on a weekend afternoon...that can be a lot cheaper than Saturday night. Also, if you can manage it, try to avoid telling them that you are planning a wedding- they will jack up the cost big time if they know it's a wedding reception. Just tell them it's a dinner party and leave it at that. There are a ton of great wedding books at the library that you can check out about cutting costs and saving money. Also, I got a lot of help from www.theknot.com when I was planning my wedding. Congrats and best wishes!
Reply:If I were invited to an engagement party, I would attend and bring a gift. I would be offended (a little or a lot, depending on how close I was to the bride/groom) if I wasn't included on the wedding invite list. One exception -- if the bride and groom made it clear from the get-go that they were going to elope or that their wedding would be family only (no friends or coworkers).





Congrats on your marriage, and good luck!
Reply:First, you don't throw yourself an engagement party. Generally, the parents of the bride and groom give an engagement party (usually the bride's parents, but it can be the groom's, or they could host two separate parties, with the bride's parents' being held first). The idea is to introduce the two families and close friends to one another. Because the engagement party usually includes only family and close friends, they would almost certainly also be invited to the wedding. But, since the engagement party is hosted by the parents and the wedding is presumably hosted by the bride and groom, there may be some guests who are included on one list and not another. But not on the scale you're talking about.





I would suggest that you not throw yourselves an engagement party. Have the small wedding you envision, and then after returning from your hooneymoon, throw a casual party that could include people who were not at the wedding. Make it clear that your wedding needed to be very small, but that you want to share your joy with a wider circle of friends. Also spread the word that there should be no gifts for the post-honeymoon party--it is, as you suggested, simply a celebration of your wedding, not a grab for gifts.





It's hard to compromise when you wat to share your joy, but you must. Best wishes.
Reply:No, it's really not kewl
Reply:Rather than call it an engagement party, why not just say it's a reception and do it after you get married in your fiances home country?
Reply:Uh . . . it is usually the reverse. The engagement party is small, and the wedding is larger. If people come to the engagement party, they will naturally expect to be invited to the wedding.





My suggestion? Avoid hurt feelings by skipping the engagement party. Many folks don't have an engagement party at all. Have a BBQ or big informal party after you return from your honeymoon. Invite the large group of friends then.
Reply:I live in Australia and here its pretty much the way things are done. More people as always invited to the engagement party then the wedding.





Engagement parties are cheaper event and you can share your joy of being engaged to the man you love with anyone you want to be there.





For weddings due to budget restrictions its sometimes not possible to invite all the people you want so thats why engagement parties are bigger.





I definately dont think its rude to invite people to the engagement party and not the wedding. I have been to about 5 engagement parties and about 2 weddings so far in my life!!
Reply:I don't think that it is a bad thing to do. I think it is a really good idea for you to invite neighbors and co workers to the engagement party because those are the people that I wouldn't want to spend money on at a reception... I also think that it needs to be a very nice party and you should let it be known that you are planning on having a small wedding which is why you are throwing such a large engagement party that way no one's feelings get hurt. it would be nice for people to bring gifts too.... It's your wedding do what you like so long as you do it tastefully... I think people will feel honored to be invited to the engagement party just the same as the actual wedding especially if you tell them you are having an intimate wedding...
Reply:Sorry, but the general rule is that everyone invited to engagement parties and showers must be included as a wedding guest.





It would breed a feeling of "I guess I am not good enough to attend the wedding" and would lead to bad feelings.
Reply:i would be offended if you were my friend, sorry.


i wold rather see you on your wedding day than on your informal engagement party day.


how about making the wedding inexpensive and include everyone. or make it very small - strictly your parents and closest relative wedding, that way you dont have exclude anyone





weddings are not so much about being expensive and extravagant but about being happy and sharing your happiness with your family and friends.
Reply:Skip the engagement party and save the money for the wedding. If you invite people to an engagement party they have to be invited to the wedding. It is rude not to. Find a way that is in your budget to have a nice wedding with the people you want to celebrate it with.
Reply:Engagement parties are tacky in the first place. Don't have one and then you won't have to worry about hurting anyones feelings. I would personally be angry if I were invited to an engagement party, brought a gift and then weren't invited to the wedding.
Reply:Actually its a pretty good Idea, but try to make the engagement party as special as possible. Take photo's, encourage the toasting, have a special dance, Just be creative, then casually while mingling with your guest be sure to thank them for helping you celebrate, and casually mention that you will be having a really intimate ceremony. You may even ask a friend to video tape special messages from your guest letting them know that you really want a way to include them so you will be playing this message at your ceremony. Congratulations
Reply:If you invite someone to your engagement party, they will expect to be invited to the wedding as well. It is a similar situation to bridal showers. Perhaps you should avoid the engagement party altogether and just have a small wedding as you described for those that you can afford to invite, avoiding the decision altogether.